Sharing the Mental Load is a Process
It doesn't have to be 50/50 to be equitable or impactful.
People get hung up on the idea of a perfect 50/50 split. It doesn’t always seem realistic or achievable. But equality doesn’t always mean symmetry.
A good division of labor is one where things feel equitable—where neither person is drowning in responsibilities, where you trust that the other person will show up, where you both feel supported, and where you’re both allowed to evolve and adjust as life changes. It’s about knowing you’re on the same team, even when things aren’t perfectly balanced on paper.
For many women, especially those who’ve been the default parent or household manager, the idea of having an “equal partnership” where the mental load (not just the to do list) is divided evenly feels unattainable. We’re used to holding everything in our heads, making sure everyone has what they need, thinking five steps ahead, and picking up the pieces when things go wrong. It’s exhausting, but we can’t really see how life would work otherwise.
But it can, and here’s why: sharing the mental load isn’t all-or-nothing.
If you’ve been carrying the mental load on your own for years, moving to a 70/30 split might just feel life changing. That’s still real progress. It’s also momentum you can use to keep improving.
Because so much of the mental load is invisible and so much of the imbalance results from systemic issues, things won’t change overnight. And that’s fine. Finding balance is a process and a practice. It involves communicating, learning, letting go, adjusting, readjusting, and a little grace, especially at first.
Most importantly, it’s about two people shifting their mindset from me to we.
Approaching the mental load as a team means shifting from “How do I get them to help more?” to “How can we manage this together?” It requires both partners to be invested, not just in checking off tasks, but in understanding the full picture of what it takes to keep your lives running. That includes the planning, anticipating, remembering, and emotional labor that often goes unnoticed. It means setting aside time to talk about what’s working (and what’s not), building systems that fit your family, and being willing to revisit those systems when life changes, as it inevitably will.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s a shared sense of ownership and trust. When both people feel like they’re in it together, everything gets lighter.
Figuring out how to share the mental load and where to even start can feel overwhelming. That’s why I created my Mental Load in Balance course for couples. It's designed to help working couples build systems, share responsibilities more equitably, and find relief without waiting for perfection.
Let’s start where you are and build from there. You deserve a partnership that feels good to both of you.
Whether you're brand new to this conversation or you've been trying to fix the imbalance for years, this course gives you a clear path forward—with practical strategies, relatable examples, and guidance every step of the way.
Because you shouldn’t have to carry it all.
Learn More: Mental Load in Balance (One-Hour Audio Course for Couples)
Resources: https://mockingbirdlearning.com/resources