The Case for Running Your Household Like a Workplace

Imagine starting a new job where no one tells you what your responsibilities are. You just do whatever you think is expected of someone in your position, and everyone else seems to be doing the same thing. No job description, no manager, no check-ins. Everyone is just winging it. How long would you last?

Probably not long. Because that is exactly the opposite of how most functioning workplaces are run, right?

But isn’t that what most of us have been doing at home ever since we got married or moved in with our partner?

When is the last time you sat down together and actually talked through everything that needs to be done at home (for yourself, each other, the kids, pets, family members, your home), agreed on standards and expectations, assigned responsibilities, and set up systems for maintaining it and staying accountable?

We’re all used to doing these things at work, but we rarely do them at home. We get into our routines and develop our own standards that we expect each other to follow, usually without ever really communicating about them. We have these internalized expectations of ourselves and each other (that don’t always line up), but we almost never stop to examine them and decide whether they’re working for us.

This often leads to an imbalance where one person (let’s be honest, usually the woman) is doing more than their share or setting standards that the other person fails to meet. Sometimes we talk about it and sometimes we don’t. And even when we do, the conversations don’t always go well.

Without clear expectations that we have decided on together and communicated, resentment builds and the imbalance continues, leading to frustration and burnout.

It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way

We accept structure, accountability, and setting clear expectations at work. Why shouldn’t we do the same at home?

It’s not about scorekeeping or micromanaging. It’s about transparency, efficiency, and being on the same team. Because living in a home where everyone feels like the responsibilities and the mental load are divided fairly (even if they aren’t divided equally) benefits everyone.

Tasks have a clear owner who is responsible for seeing things through, so one person isn’t carrying the mental load of everything alone. You have space to evaluate (and reevaluate over time), so one person isn’t overwhelmed while the other just goes with the flow. Everyone has the opportunity to participate in their own home life and express their thoughts, ideas, and preferences. No one is guessing what is expected of them or holding the other person to an uncommunicated standard.

Here's the catch: it’s easier said than done. A lot goes into managing and running a household, especially if you have kids (but even if you don’t). And we don’t always agree on what’s important or how we should do things or spend our resources. It can feel easier to just keep doing things the way you have been than to actually have that awkward first conversation.

But it’s worth doing.

A balanced and well-run household benefits everyone. If you’re a parent, your kids are absorbing the way you do things and the way you divide things with your partner. Resentment doesn’t go away over time, it snowballs. Being intentional about your roles, responsibilities, and expectations is a way of showing love, care, and respect for each other.

If you haven’t sat down with your partner and talked through your household systems or responsibilities in a while (or like ever), you can start with the free resources I’ve put together to get you started.

If you want to take it further, see if my course, Mental Load in Balance: Sharing the Mental Load as a Team, is right for you.

And remember, the most difficult conversations are usually the ones worth having.